Wife covering hair.

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Wife covering hair.

Postby Sander » Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:25 am

I heard a lady ask a rabbi, why do (married) ladies cover their hair? Among the points the rabbi made in response, he mentioned that at a wedding ceremony, the lady does not cover her hair. Yet because of the ceremony itself, when the certificate has been signed, and the ring given, and seven blessings pronounce, the fragile item smashed .... then the lady is married, but she does not have to cover her hair. She can stand around in front of the assembled guests with her hair uncovered. It is the next morning after the wedding that she begins covering her hair.

So I think the point the rabbi was making, was that the hair is covered after the intimacy between husband and wife. Covering the hair has nothing to do with hiding the wife's attractiveness. In fact a wig may look better than the real hair.

But after thinking about this, I still don't get it. A lady that is not married, its ok to look at her hair, even if she has gorgeous, tantalizing hair. But that same lady, the next day after she's married, its not ok. Why exactly? Because now she's exclusive?

I think the difficulty I have is there does not seem to me to be any objective change in the lady's hair. So why does it matter?
Sander
 
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby rivka » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:23 am

Actually, why a single woman's hair is not ALSO covered is a question discussed (at length, I believe) in various seforim. IIRC, the general consensus is that we allow single women to keep their hair uncovered so they can snag a man. (Why this would not extend to a divorcee is not entirely clear to me, and I guess to the many divorcees who stop covering their hair.)
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Enora » Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:12 am

Sander wrote:I heard a lady ask a rabbi, why do (married) ladies cover their hair? Among the points the rabbi made in response, he mentioned that at a wedding ceremony, the lady does not cover her hair. Yet because of the ceremony itself, when the certificate has been signed, and the ring given, and seven blessings pronounce, the fragile item smashed .... then the lady is married, but she does not have to cover her hair. She can stand around in front of the assembled guests with her hair uncovered. It is the next morning after the wedding that she begins covering her hair.

This is how it works for sefardim. Not for all ashkenazim.
Most frum ashkenazi women I know DO cover their hair at their wedding. My mother in law for example, wore a wig to her wedding (she was raised in a luba seminar and my father in law was 20 yrs old and fresh out of sunderland. There were no institutions for sefardim in europe at the time so they did it ashkenazi style). All of my ashkenazi friends (3 people lol) covered their hair right after Yihud. Sefardim don't do the yihud at weddings.

Why exactly? Because now she's exclusive?
I think the difficulty I have is there does not seem to me to be any objective change in the lady's hair. So why does it matter?

Yes it is because she is now married, hence exclusive. When we say hair is "erva" (nudity), it should be understood that it's not "like" showing flesh, otherwise it would also be assur for non married girls and women. It is a seductive attribute that is allowed for non married women like Rivka said, to snag a man hehe but once the man is snagged and married, those attributes are not acceptable in public, they are reserved for her husband.
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Sander » Fri Feb 04, 2011 2:30 am

Hair is definitely a seductive attribute. The custom of married ladies to wear wigs, I argue, is also seductive. For one thing, many times the wig hair is longer, fuller, and better color (no gray hairs). So if the issue was seduction, the custom of wearing wigs is non-sensical. Or maybe not: I admit the truth - when I know a lady is wearing a wig, I am not interested in looking, no matter how good the wig looks. But any young lady showing her real hair, I very much enjoy to look.

Another thing that is sssooooo confusing. In my neighborhood the ladies wear wigs made of human hair. So even though I might not see the hair of the lady that's wearing the wig, I am seeing the wig made of hair from some other lady, who may in fact be a married lady!
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Enora » Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:54 am

Or maybe not: I admit the truth - when I know a lady is wearing a wig, I am not interested in looking, no matter how good the wig looks. But any young lady showing her real hair, I very much enjoy to look.

There you go. You just answered your own question. Most of the people in the community know "so and so" wears a wig. So tada.
Yet like we said it's not about making oneself less pretty. Otherwise makeup , fancy hats, nice shoes...out the window. B"H God didn't ask us to stop being women! A married woman's hair is considered nudity, it doesn't say wearing another woman's hair is nudity. A woman who wears a wig , even a nice one, is doing her "job". If you mistakenly think it's her real hair and start winking from across the room, then that's your problem, not hers. lol
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Enora » Fri Feb 04, 2011 3:56 am

and once you cut hair, it doesn't belong to anyone
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby rivka » Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:02 am

A wig -- no matter how expensive -- does not move or look quite like the real thing. In my experience, even people who don't recognize it as a wig recognize that something is subtly "off".
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Enora » Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:14 am

rivka wrote:A wig -- no matter how expensive -- does not move or look quite like the real thing. In my experience, even people who don't recognize it as a wig recognize that something is subtly "off".


HA! That's what I thought till my friends started wearing these amazing wigs. wig contest
Everyone is buying their wigs from Sarah-Coiff ,as you can tell from the pics, there are now wig contests lol. I've seen AMAZING wigs lately that have had me fooled.
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby rivka » Fri Feb 04, 2011 2:47 pm

I stand by my comment. And while I can't see your link (it requires FB login), in SoCal you can trust I have seen some VERY expensive wigs. And they can fool me from across the room, no question. But from up close (or even from far given several minutes of actual motion -- static photos are much harder), I can (almost) always tell.

(I can also tell you which seasons Gates McFadden's hair was a wig, and ditto Amanda Tapping. ;) )
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Re: Wife covering hair.

Postby Enora » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:18 am

rivka wrote: And they can fool me from across the room, no question. But from up close (or even from far given several minutes of actual motion -- static photos are much harder), I can (almost) always tell.

:lol: what you say is true but do men spend several minutes staring at "motion" lol
And while I can't see your link (it requires FB login)

A FB rebel eh?
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